SPOILER ALERT…

I finally made Aggie hit Stella. And not just hit her. Burrow her fingers into the soft flesh in her upper arm and pinch. A hidden cruelty, shielded by the mother’s unwashed body, which is pressing Stella so tightly into a corner the girl is afraid she might faint. Pain, pressure, body odor—I threw it all at the poor, helpless child.

I didn’t cry when I did it, but I wanted to.

I did it right there in the middle of the second chapter, after the morticians take Roy’s body away. I did it so no reader can say they didn’t know things would only get worse.

You guys told me I had to do it, and I knew you were right. Describing the already yellowing bruise or the memory of the sting of the slap wasn’t enough to be honest about the stakes. Now what happens to Stella and what she does can all make crazy sense.

Since you told me I had to do it I’d been stalled. And now that I’ve done it other parts are falling into place too. I hope it’s worth the damage. I don’t mean to me, because I can take it. But oh, my poor Stella.

This post was originally written February 21, 2007 for the private blog of my writing group, Novel-ties.